My Monkey Mind
I had a big couple of weeks! The weekend of January 7th, I started on my path with Shambhala. That is to say, I took their Shambhala Level One Training, The Art of Being Human. I was taking an additional class at the time, Contentment in Everyday Life, which means that I was at Shambhala (Denver, not the Mountain Center) each day from Friday to Monday.
The lengthy days of meditation challenged me. I have a twice daily practice, but it is measured in minutes, not hours. The mind goes places you don’t expect when sitting on a cushion for 6 or 7 hours. It truly is an odyssey. I can attempt to describe it here:
The instruction is to focus on the breath while sitting in a good meditation posture. Not just to focus on the breath but to focus using a certain method that begins to train the mind. As thoughts come up, label them as such and move on.
I started with concerns about my feet falling asleep and my shoulders hurting. And they did, but about mid-day on Saturday, the physical sensations became the least of my concerns. My mind was wild. Sometimes in Buddhism, it is described as a monkey mind and if a wild mind is a monkey mind, mine was a barrel full of monkeys. I either could not focus my mind for more than a few seconds at a time or my mind would bring up outrageous thoughts that made no sense. Just as I finished labeling the thought as “thinking” another popped up.
“Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.. .”
Then it got even more interesting. Some things I did in the past popped into my mind and I saw how these behaviors were delusions that clouded my thoughts and my emotions. Your mind remembers even the things you thought you forgot.
Then there were overwhelming feelings of love for friends and family who I value deeply. I also felt compassion for the people who drive me most insane in life.
Talk about being all over the place. By the end of Saturday, I was completely wasted. When my husband asked me how it was, “It was different,” was all I could say.
Sunday felt a little brighter until the monkeys came out to play again.
“Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.”
And I completely gave up by 11am and then by 11:05 was recommitted to my meditation practice. At 11:30, I was looking for a way to weave out of the maze of cushions and save myself from certain insanity and by 11:40, I was falling asleep.
At 11:50 I vowed to focus my mind like a good meditator and when I left the center at 1pm, I thought, “I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.”
So, I went to my class on Monday night, because I just love it.
By Tuesday morning, I was looking for the next course to sign up for at the center only to find that almost none of the times worked in my schedule. Not until MAY. Disappointment. What seemed like a difficult weekend ended up being one of the greatest experiences I have ever had. It reminded me of climbing my first 14er, Mt. Bierstadt, and on my way down, I said to my hiking buddy, ‘I won’t be doing that again.” The next day I made a list of my next three fourteeners.
So maybe it’s not just about how easy or fun something is, but it is definitely about the journey. In my case, The Path, whether it is up the side of a mountain or a trip around the mind—the greatest of journeys.
Next Blog: Meeting a hero.
The lengthy days of meditation challenged me. I have a twice daily practice, but it is measured in minutes, not hours. The mind goes places you don’t expect when sitting on a cushion for 6 or 7 hours. It truly is an odyssey. I can attempt to describe it here:
The instruction is to focus on the breath while sitting in a good meditation posture. Not just to focus on the breath but to focus using a certain method that begins to train the mind. As thoughts come up, label them as such and move on.
I started with concerns about my feet falling asleep and my shoulders hurting. And they did, but about mid-day on Saturday, the physical sensations became the least of my concerns. My mind was wild. Sometimes in Buddhism, it is described as a monkey mind and if a wild mind is a monkey mind, mine was a barrel full of monkeys. I either could not focus my mind for more than a few seconds at a time or my mind would bring up outrageous thoughts that made no sense. Just as I finished labeling the thought as “thinking” another popped up.
“Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.. .”
Then it got even more interesting. Some things I did in the past popped into my mind and I saw how these behaviors were delusions that clouded my thoughts and my emotions. Your mind remembers even the things you thought you forgot.
Then there were overwhelming feelings of love for friends and family who I value deeply. I also felt compassion for the people who drive me most insane in life.
Talk about being all over the place. By the end of Saturday, I was completely wasted. When my husband asked me how it was, “It was different,” was all I could say.
Sunday felt a little brighter until the monkeys came out to play again.
“Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.”
And I completely gave up by 11am and then by 11:05 was recommitted to my meditation practice. At 11:30, I was looking for a way to weave out of the maze of cushions and save myself from certain insanity and by 11:40, I was falling asleep.
At 11:50 I vowed to focus my mind like a good meditator and when I left the center at 1pm, I thought, “I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.”
So, I went to my class on Monday night, because I just love it.
By Tuesday morning, I was looking for the next course to sign up for at the center only to find that almost none of the times worked in my schedule. Not until MAY. Disappointment. What seemed like a difficult weekend ended up being one of the greatest experiences I have ever had. It reminded me of climbing my first 14er, Mt. Bierstadt, and on my way down, I said to my hiking buddy, ‘I won’t be doing that again.” The next day I made a list of my next three fourteeners.
So maybe it’s not just about how easy or fun something is, but it is definitely about the journey. In my case, The Path, whether it is up the side of a mountain or a trip around the mind—the greatest of journeys.
Next Blog: Meeting a hero.
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