Getting Off The Merry Go Round
When talking about relationships, being on a merry go round is no fun at all. It seems the same issues resurface over and over again. Acting in the same way we always do, gets us the same result we have always gotten. In order to get a different result, we have to consider a new way to approach old topics.
Here is an example:
I know a married couple who has the same argument over and over again and each time, they say similar things to one another, have similar blow ups and feel similar feelings. The situation is never resolved and resurfaces every few months. Bitterness increases.
Another example:
A father attempts to control his son's future by telling him exactly how he should live his life up to and including who he should date, where he should live and how he should act. The son responds each time with more and more rebellion and their relationship slowly deteriorates. The father wonders why.
The first step in changing these negative behaviors is to acknowledge that they exist. Where in your life do you have the cyclical experiences? Identify them and resist the urge to blame others for the outcome. Take responsibility and decide to create a new, more positive behavior instead.
In the case of the married couple, perhaps restraining emotion and coming to a compromise that is suitable for both people would be an option. When you present your case to your mate, use the positive outcome to negotiate. "Let's not have this same argument again and again. I am willing to compromise if you are."
In the case of the controlling father, it is time to realize that the son needs to have the freedom to make individual choices. Let him know that you are there if he ever feels he needs advice and then respect his freedom. He will care more about your opinion if it is not forced down his throat.
Love and Light,
Coach Kristine
Here is an example:
I know a married couple who has the same argument over and over again and each time, they say similar things to one another, have similar blow ups and feel similar feelings. The situation is never resolved and resurfaces every few months. Bitterness increases.
Another example:
A father attempts to control his son's future by telling him exactly how he should live his life up to and including who he should date, where he should live and how he should act. The son responds each time with more and more rebellion and their relationship slowly deteriorates. The father wonders why.
The first step in changing these negative behaviors is to acknowledge that they exist. Where in your life do you have the cyclical experiences? Identify them and resist the urge to blame others for the outcome. Take responsibility and decide to create a new, more positive behavior instead.
In the case of the married couple, perhaps restraining emotion and coming to a compromise that is suitable for both people would be an option. When you present your case to your mate, use the positive outcome to negotiate. "Let's not have this same argument again and again. I am willing to compromise if you are."
In the case of the controlling father, it is time to realize that the son needs to have the freedom to make individual choices. Let him know that you are there if he ever feels he needs advice and then respect his freedom. He will care more about your opinion if it is not forced down his throat.
- Acknowledge when a situation comes up that has happened before
- Recognize negative patterns
- Role play new, more positive responses in your mind
- Ask the person with whom this behavior occurs for their opinion on a new way to handle the situation
- Realize that being right does not mean you win
- Apply the new responses in order to get a different outcome
Love and Light,
Coach Kristine
Posted by Coach Kristine at 9/26/2010 8:30 PM 
Categories: Couples Coaching Emotional IQ, Relationship Coaching
Tags: Relationship cycles Positive Behavior Couples coaching
Categories: Couples Coaching Emotional IQ, Relationship Coaching
Tags: Relationship cycles Positive Behavior Couples coaching
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